How to get over an ex!
=======How to get over an ex!
>>>>>>> .r7754There is no surefire way to get over an ex boyfriend / girlfriend. When you break up, especially after being together for a long time, it is like losing a part of yourself. Do not fear though - it is not losing a part of yourself, it is just “like” losing a part of yourself.
There are a common set of 5 stages of grief that people go through during a breakup:
- Denial
- Anger / Resentment
- Bargaining
- Depression
- Acceptance
Denial
At this point, you cant believe what has happened and you are most likely overwhelmed by shock - half expecting things to go back to “normal”.
Anger / Resentment
This is when it gets nasty & you might be inclined to do or say things that you will regret to the other person. You blame the other person for causing the situation or wasting years of your life, or being so difficult. In many ways those things are necessary because essentially fighting with each other and causing hurt makes the break up easier to comprehend for each person.
Bargaining
Im not quite sure that this is next after anger. Apparently, this is where you will feel inclined to try to convince the person that you can change or they can change and you really should be together. The decision to break up feels wrong and it seems as though the solution is to get back together rather than stay apart.
Depression
It’s really quite straightforward. You feel down in the dumps, alone and withdrawn from the world. At this point, the loss is acknowledged and it takes time to deal with it and sort through the issues. This is when you will feel most alone in the world. But dont fret! the best is yet to come.
Acceptance
The breakup is now in your past. You’re able to move forward with your life. Hopefully at this stage, seeing the person doesnt send you backwards in to one of the other stages.
What else?
Now that you know the stages of grief, you can at least understand what you are going through. Some other things you may experience during grief is a sense of a lost identity. You need to rediscover and redefine who you are without the other person. It’s difficult and dangerous because its important to have stability in your life.
How to get through it
- Go to the Gym / work out - This is a fantastic thing to do when you are getting over a break up. Working out releases endorfins in the brain so you feel better than you ordinarily would if you were going through a break up (I am working out 5 - 6 times a week).
- Be more social - Hang out in coffee shops with a good book, make some new friends who dont know your ex, get out of the house!
- Generally get more busy - The less time you have alone to think, the less time you will be sitting alone thinking about your break up. Dwelling on a problem rarely presents a solution. The only thing to help with a breakup is time. If you can allow time to pass without overanalyzing the situation, it will help.
- Join a club, group or new activity - Increase the number of times you do an activity during the week. Take a cooking class. Join a book club. Do something you’ve always wanted to try. Go travelling!
All of these can help you take your mind off grieving for the most part but will allow you to think about it in moments - to process things without dwelling.
In this case, I am taking my own advice! I hope it works for you.
July 25th, 2006 at 9:10 pm
I think that this blog will become part of my daily readings. It is a good reminder - not only will things be better and easier, but I do have something to look forward to! I think I am in stage two. I believe that I will completly ignore stage three - I just cant imagine I would feel that way! And I don’t really think I will feel stage four either - just because by the time I would be there, I will be settled here and I will have friends and a job (hopefully) … and it just wont bother me anymore! So, Im going strait from stage two to stage five. You think thats possible?
August 8th, 2006 at 9:34 am
Well, i did go through all those stages and i did recover…but my ex told me that he hasnt eliminated any possibility that he mite start loving me again…And then if i love him at that time, the decision is entirely upto me…Now i want to devise a slow plan for him to fall in love with me all over again…because i know that he has feelings for me still….Could u tell me how?
August 8th, 2006 at 9:27 pm
Mary, I think the best advice I can give on this is to move on. There are millions of people in the world and Im certain there is one better suited than your ex. However, if your intention is to make your ex desire you again, I could recommend “The Art of Seduction” by Robert Greene. I have not read it myself, but I believe this is what you are looking for. Your ex probably does not value you because he feels that he could have you if he chooses to. You have to create a desire within him for you and also the feeling that he doesnt deserve you and cannot have you if he chooses. You have to take the power in the relationship. Good luck!
August 11th, 2006 at 9:05 pm
Okay. I definitly went through all these stages and I now have a new boyfriend and I’ve been with him for almost 9 months now. After me and my ex broke up I pretty much cut off all contact to him after trying to get back with him for about 2 months. He’d get drunk and try to message me on the computer saying how much he wanted to “see me” (aka he wanted to get some) but I would ignore it. Two days ago I made a drunk call to him and he came over. I cheated on my boyfriend with him and now all the feelings I had immediatly came back. For the past 2 days I couldn’t sleep because all I could think about is him. Is there anyway I could get over him by doing these stages again, or will I just wind up failing again?
August 12th, 2006 at 12:49 am
Katrina, it seems that you’re not really interested in the guy anymore, but rather you had a moment of weakness. The feelings that you have right now are the same ones you get when you kiss someone you like for the first time, or have sex with them for the first time. Those feelings will pass. Think of it as having a one night stand with a really hot stranger. Of course you’re going to think about it a lot for a few days, but those feelings will subside with time. If you truly are over the guy, then you wont need to go through the stages of grief, because there is no loss! Don’t call him and don’t pick up when he calls you and the infatuation will disappear.
August 18th, 2006 at 1:28 am
But, what do you do when you have been with your boyfriend for two and a half years and all of a sudden you regain feelings for someone you went out with about three years ago? What then? It’s crazy, but I’m on that boat. I love my current boyfriend to death, but I continue to have feelings for my ex of three years ago. I’ve even had dreams about him. Any suggestions here? What can I do so that this won’t affect my current relationship with my boyfriend?
August 21st, 2006 at 11:46 pm
Grace,
I would imagine that something triggered the memories and dreams of your ex. Maybe you looked through old pictures? Maybe you still see him around? Since you have expressed you feel strongly about your current boyfriend, I would try and distance yourself from your ex. Put the old pictures away somewhere. Change your routine so you dont see him. After three years of being apart, there shouldnt be anything putting your ex into your thoughts that you yourself cannot control. It is natural to want the things we no longer have. Focus hard on the reasons you broke up until your good thoughts are gone, package it all up and put it in the back of your mind. Give your current relationship the attention and focus it deserves!
Good Luck!
August 24th, 2006 at 10:08 pm
Hi,
I definitely found this blog great..
however i decided to try talking to him into giving us another try…
he still loves me and told me so..but his family got in the way(his mom doesn’t like me)
we were supposed to get marry this comming weekend..and its been barely over a month he called it off..and broke up with me…
i am devastated…but I want to talk to him anyway…even when he broke up with me by email…
anyone have any thoughts..
thanks
September 1st, 2006 at 1:55 pm
I too have an ex with a mother like that. Cut your losses. If she can keep him from you now, she would just ruin your life if you guys did end up together, and you would most likely be very unhappy. It’s hard right now not to talk to him, but it’s for the best. Sometimes the hardest thing about getting over a relationship is that its like a habit-hard to quit. But you know you need to.
September 2nd, 2006 at 5:49 am
Well just on August 24th,2006 I broke up with my boyfriend because he was gonna be moving far away, and their wouldn’t be a point anymore cause he won’t be literally there.We lasted 7 months and one day together, and those months meant so much but i just wanna move on, but deep down i still love him. Were friends now, but i just wanna get him out of my head and move on. please help.
September 9th, 2006 at 11:43 pm
KNOWING AND UNDERSTANDING THESE STAGES DOES NOT HELP AT ALL. I WENT THROUGH EVERY ONE OF THESE STAGES AND YES THEY DO EXIST. BUT I DISAGREE WITH YOUR SUGGESTION ON HOW TO GET THROUGH IT. I AM 38 YEARS OLD AND HAVE NOT SEEN MY EX IN 16 YEARS. I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN SOCIABLE, HAVE BEEN IN GYMS FOR YEARS AND I HAVE EVEN JOINED A GARDEN CLUB. I AM MARRIED TO A DIFFERENT GIRL HAVE KIDS AND NOT A DAY GOES BY THAT I DONT SHED A TEAR FOR MY EX..
September 10th, 2006 at 3:55 pm
My Boyfriend just broke up with me after 2 years and 10 months. He has told me on more than one occasion that he is jealous of my success. And he is unhappy that he doesnt think he will ever be that successful. After I was laid off he figured that it would take me a while to find another job. Well it only took me 28 days and he couldnt handle it so he decided he would rather be alone then to have to face me every day. Its not my fault that I found another job that quickly. I know he still loves me but its just too hard for him to be with me because he doesnt feel like a “Man” because I continue to make more money than he does. I really thought it would be easier to deal with if it were about someone else. I think its just going to be hard either way. I have decided to just be alone. Its easier that way. And if its not it will just have to be.
September 10th, 2006 at 3:56 pm
He really is the love of my life. I would do anything for him. I just want him to be happy. I know I should want myself to be happy as well, but just doesnt matter right now.
September 11th, 2006 at 3:49 pm
These are my thoughts -
One of the most important things you can do after a breakup is to keep your self respect. You can’t force someone to love you, nor should you want to.
Sometimes ex’s play with your heart and dangle the possibility of getting back together again over your head - don’t bite. These people enjoy the power they have over you - don’t dance to their tune.
Don’t idealize the person you are no longer with. There is a reason that you are not together - and one of them is probably that you are simply not compatible. He or she may be a good person, but that doesn’t mean that he or she is the right person for you.
Look in the mirror and like what you see. There is more than one person in the world who would appreciate you and be a good match for you. Give yourself time.
Take your focus off your love life and concentrate on something positive for a while.
Love comes when you least expect it.
And Fred - In fairness to your family and to yourself, you need to get over your obsession with your ex. It seems that you have idealized her unrealistically.
Good luck.
September 12th, 2006 at 12:38 pm
Can i just say that i was 16 when i met my first love, we met fell in love an dated for 4 yrs, he had a child with a girl before we met, the child was 3 months when i got with him. he was quite a bit older than me at the time. i was so happy and in love, and after a while i discovered he was cheating, and i knew this after his ex came up and showed me texts, calls, etc. he stayed down with her at her home one night, when i caught him, he thought this was normal. it was then that i realised that he really didnt care about me. I still see him a very odd time, and it has been 2 years now. he is back with the child an its mother. i was referred to councilling, for mental torutre basically, but i dealt my own way. i would hav him back tomorrow, if he promised me the star an the sky, but i know this is never going to happen.
i keep imagining the day that we get back again, but that will never happen and i have to deal with it.
its true, i have been with a few people since, but it is always him that i think of when i hear a song on the radio, or see a film. and it is wrecking my life.
can anyone help?
September 18th, 2006 at 7:19 pm
he really hurt me…we broke up and then right before i left for a long trip he told me he would wait for me and then i found out that he slept with two girls, and i still went back to him. But we both had to go our own separate ways and move to different cities, and then i found out he was still communicating with one of the girls. And it wasnt the type of communicating i would like to hear about. ANYhow we fought about it. Later i recieved an email from him saying he was sorry and all that bullshit and i didnt email him back. He emailed again and asked if i had recieved his last email. I finally wrote in simple words that i received hhis email and that hes forgiven. Just like that, i didnt over indgulge…im just angry, hurt and feel disgusting about myself. I dont know what stage im at, i want to move on but i just cant stop thinking about him.
September 18th, 2006 at 7:21 pm
can someone tell me what i should do???
September 25th, 2006 at 2:12 pm
ok im wondering if anyone can help me sort out the feelings that i have. Me and my boyfriend or should I say ex boyfriend, were dating for 5 months and all was great , untill we started fighting a lot, i didnt really look at how much we fought cause I think when you love a person, you never break up because you fight a little too much. One thing after another, he just broke up with me over the weekend. I have never been so sad about a break up before, that I also did something i have never done, is try to get to understand and realize that i love him, and i dont want it to end. Part of the reason is because i dont feel like it is supposed to be over yet. I really dont! and im sad and hurt, people say stupid things in an arguement in a heat of the moment sort of thing. And i tried to call him over the weekend, and he was so mean to me Telling me “what dont you understand about last night…i cant be in a relationship with you anymore” and it hurts to hear him say that! I used to the girl that no man would ever talk to like that, and now look im pathetic, and wanting him back. I tell him give me another chance and see that we will stop fighting over stupid stuff, and he just tells me he’ll call me later. Im broken up inside..
September 26th, 2006 at 10:05 pm
I actually been through all the stages….. It wasn’t that
I couldnt get over him it was alot of things he was blaming me for and I felt entitled to be with him which made my life a living hell. When I finally did wake up and snapped out of it I realized that I’m only 21 I shouldnt be stressed when i have my whole life in front of me I thought I loved him but I knew I loved myself AND it was not just for me to allow myself to be mistreated so I fleed after about 2 years of dating that dogg.
September 30th, 2006 at 10:43 pm
Hi,
I am currently going through some emotional problems due to a break up. To make a long story short, we had an argument over something small, and my ex boyfriend feels hurt due to the fact that I didn’t tell him what I was trying to do. I was trying to explain to him the reason why I did what I did, but he wouldn’t understand and said that he didn’t want to be with me anymore. He bought up everything I did in the past in our relationship, and used what I did as the last straw and said it was over. He said that he feels betrayed and I apologized for making it seem that way. I admit I should’ve said something about it, but I thought it was no big deal.
Right now he doesn’t want to be with me and it hurts me hard and at this point I don’t know what to do. I had read your advice on how to get over an relationship and I see where it can help me, but I still think about him and I couldn’t understand why it is easier for him to break up with me without trying to work things out and I going through I heartache?
October 1st, 2006 at 4:50 am
Guys this is great stuff, I’m a a very mature mid twenties guy.
I’ve been through all of the above! seriously! . . . . I’ve been in a relationship were the girl was absolutely besotted and in love with we, but all I was interested in was the physical side of things and friendship. For convenience its sometimes easier to let a girl believe what she wants to believe, hoping that maybe eventually you’ll feel different.. . . . On the flip side I have experienced the rejection from a long term relationship I thought it was forever, this finished 3 years ago and its still hurts today ! but is manageable now.
Please take this on board . . . People can have a different perspective on relationships and can be at different stages of their lives, , , , and this perspective can easily change throughout the relationship. No one ever admits that a relationship is ‘only a bit of fun’ or a stop gap before their real life time relationship. This is so harsh but true. People will even lie to themselves, and when they can‚Äôt handle it anymore they then have to finish it.
Always ensure that you have constant communication between you and your partner, its not being high maintenance, its just making sure your on the same ‘wavelength’. Protect yourself.
The single most important thing here is to thinks as yourself as a whole person and to always act in your own best interests. I‚Äôm totally unreligious and stuff, but if there is one message that this world keeps trying to teach us is happiness is within you, no one and nothing can make you happy,,,, you hear this crap about ” oh don‚Äôt text him/her back straight away he/she will think they can have you at any time ” …. Personally i think that‚Äôs rubbish,,, you should text them back as soon as you feel you want to , , the worrying thing is if your self esteem is so low you have to text them back straight away or else you’ve lost their interest.
I have to say as I guy I find girls who have this high level of self-respect and self worth very attractive, and these are the types of girls I try to date.
Sorry for going on so long but on a final point about, getting back together with an ex, , , here’s a quick analogy
Ok im very hungry,, , Do I ………..
A, Have some take out , , , this will make me feel better straight away, I know its bad for me in the long term but hey, at least I wont feel hungry for a while!
Or
B. Go to the store. buy some fresh ingredients and make myself some good healthy food, , it might take a little bit longer. . . but I’ll feel great about it in the long run.
Good luck all in your relationships! . . . . . . And eat healthy!
Its like being really hungry. . . you know that if you tuck into a big Mac and fries you’ll feel great for a while . . .but you also know that if you go to the store, buy yourself some fresh and healthy food, you’ll feel great for a lot longer
October 8th, 2006 at 11:40 pm
The hardest thing in the world to deal with is a broken heart!
October 11th, 2006 at 7:37 pm
hey i wonder if anyone can help me! well story goes me and my ex just borke up on ur 8th month anniversary, i still love him to death and he still loves me but we broke up over a stupid reason, the reason was that we started to arguee a lil. more than we use to, he says he wants to marry me just not now i dunno wut to do at all should i move on or should i wait for him?
October 16th, 2006 at 4:49 am
me and him broke up nearly two months back. now we dont talk to each other. i told him i dont wanna be friends cause it will hurt. i love him yet when i dumped him but i felt it was right because it was not working out. i regret it and he knows and then he says he wont take me back cause he no longer loves me. shocking. and then now he refuse to talk and affliate with people that are linked to me. he doesnt want to talk bout me, listen to anything bout me. why is he doing this? sometimes i just wonder if he still misses me. can any of you guys just tell me whts up. i never tried to contact him at all this past 2 months. people i know say he sounds really angry with me. whats going on?
October 18th, 2006 at 11:45 am
Wow… sometimes you think that you are the only one in the world when you go through a major heartbreak. When you are younger, you always think that you are “in love” or have first true loves. But then, that one just sneaks up on you. The one who you have unconditional love no matter what. The one whose dirty underwear you will just LOVE.
Well, I was with someone for 5 years and we lived together. We broke up about almost 2 years and I’ve been getting on with my life. Well… trying to do so. He was my best friend, which whom I discussed everything. So I kind of got a little disoriented when we wheren’t together because I didn’t have anyone to share my ideas and aspirations with.
Almost a year went by and the beginning of this year I saw him and his new girl. I damn near had a nervous breakdown… that was the worst feeling EVER!!! After that, decided to move on thinking that was okay. Until. *dun dun dunnn*, I just found out he married this girl recently. Wooowwww, I can’t say that I’m not hurt. I think I’m more hurt that I’d wasted a lot of time. I’m not getting any younger and I’m thinking about families and what not. Plus the fact that I tried so hard with him and he just discarded me. Makes me wonder what’s wrong with me?
Tried to move on to another relationship… but that turned out to be a bust. I think the hardest thing for me is that I don’t want to date and play these arbitrary games. I hate smooth talkers, confused dudes, and so forth. I’m a pretty girl. Unfortunately, that’s all they see and don’t have anything else to bring to the table. *sigh* I think loving someone is hard stuff and once you’re hurt, it’s even worse. You try to think of options to let go of the hurt but nothing seems to click.
Just a commentary, not a solution. If I figure it out, I will let you guys know.
October 18th, 2006 at 7:44 pm
Beccai hate breakups sooo much they suck and whats even worse is im only 16 these are suposed to be the best years of my life. But how can they if im worrying about him all the time? I hate it, you get so use to being with them doing everything with them that you just dont know what to do now that your alone. I want to talk to my friends about it but i think there getting sick of hearing about him. I hate the fact that were not together anymore and that we never will be. He treated me right he was perfect, the only thing was, he never had anytime for me. I cry myself to sleep everynight just thinking about him, the way he smells the way he laughs the way he’d give me a cute little nickname. It sucks but i just hope that these strategies help me out and regain my strangth to go out there and be my old self again. I miss him, i just hope i dont waste my life away doing so.
October 22nd, 2006 at 6:10 am
I dated someone through out most of college. Things were amazing and we were best friends, but the relationship fizzled and we became really horrible to one another. We finally decided to break up. It hurt more than anything. I feel that the above mentioned steps would work well…but the only problem is that my ex lives in the same building as me and moving is not a possibility for either of us. It makes it hard because I know when his car is there or not and I know that when it’s not there he is seeing this new girl, doing things like talking all night and going to museums, like we used to always do. I first am upset that he is just moving on so quickly only days after our 3 year relationship ended, says he still cares for me, doesn’t understand I can’t be his friend while he’s dating another girl so soon, and that his relationship with her is so in-my-face at all. Every night, I see that his car isn’t there (seeing his parking spot is unavoidable- I’ve tried) I know where he’s at and it kills me on the inside that he’s over this so soon. And I know you’ll probably say that this is just his way of dealing with it or something, but I think he just found someone to replace me so quickly and that its making it so much more easy for him than for me. I know this is silly, maybe even petty- but it causes me to wake up in the middle of the night and cry until the sun rises. Any suggestions? Help, please I can’t do this any longer.
November 1st, 2006 at 3:56 pm
Hi,
I still have extremly strong feelings for a guy I dated about 4 1/2 years ago, we were only physically together for about 4 months and were seperated by our jobs to different continents. I felt very insecure about the relationship because things were so up in the air but knew I loved him with all my heart. I ended up cheatin on and breaking up with him to date someone else because i couldn’t stand the distance and didn’t feel stable, I was weak and stupid. I dated this other guy for about 3 1/2 years and have finnaly ended it. All through the last relationship I still loved my ex. Well it has been years scince I haven’t seen or spoken to him, but we stay in touch occasionally through the internet, he is married now, and I know it is wrong, but i can’t stop thinking about him. He sends me pictures of himself sometimes. I wrote him telling him how I feel, but he showed his wife and she wrote me back. She was very understanding and civil about the whole thing. In her letter she even told me how she was jealous of me for years and that he did not get over the break up easily. He didn’t write anything though and I don’t know how he feels. I know it is rediculous to be having these feelings after so long, especially when I don’t see or talk to him. I just feel like he is the love of my life and I don’t know what to do. Please help, Thank you.
November 2nd, 2006 at 1:16 pm
I need some help. Me and my ex were together for five and half years and have two kids together. A few months ago he decided he didn’t want to be with me. He left me and the kids well he says he left just me but he hasnt been there for the kids at all. He don’t help support them or see them. He was started seeing a younger girl that he met from the bar. He says they are in love. Well the whole time he was seeing her he was cheating on her with me and told he misses me and all that stupid crap of course I believed him they broke up because of him cheating but they are back together and now he is moving in with her cause he says hes in love with her again after he went and told everyone he didn’t want to be with her. He never has anything to do with his kids when hes with her and it really sucks cause we love him but he says he doesnt love me or want to be with ever again now. I cant stand going threw all this. I love my kids and I want the best for them and I really want him to be with us but I know its time to realize he wont be but it is so hard when you love someone that much. I have been there for him threw thick and thin and it really hurts knowing that he is moving in with her and is telling me he is in love with someone he hasn’t been with for that long. I think he is just lying but I dont know who he is anymore! I need help getting threw this with my kids. Anyone have advice for me?
November 17th, 2006 at 9:41 am
does anyone answer these things anymore???
December 14th, 2006 at 5:44 pm
I think the answer is in the advice Colin gave in the beginning. Good luck in moving on to all of you.
December 20th, 2006 at 7:14 am
jeni i no how u feel iam 20 and just had same drama wen i was 18.
December 28th, 2006 at 9:55 am
alright i met this girl over a weekend about a year ago and she moved away but we have been going out ever since we met and talking on the internet and stuff and we broke up but i still have feelings for her and want her back but im not really sure if she still likes me as more then a friend because we still talk over the phone and stuff wat should i do
January 2nd, 2007 at 1:19 pm
I dated my ex for 2.5 years… part of it long distance. We broke up because we lived so far from each other and he was too controlling (I should remind myself of that everyday!). We have been friends for a year. We hooked up recently and all those old feelings came back. I asked him if we could start dating again and he refused. I feel like I’m starting back on square one and it’s so hard. This is the year to take the right steps to refresh myself. I warn you… don’t make the same mistake I made. It’s easy to do when you’re lonely, but believe that you will be better off by avoiding what I did. At least he was not my first love. Getting over first loves are the toughest.
February 20th, 2007 at 1:07 pm
this has really helped me find who I was after a nasty break-up. I helped me remember all the fun times that I had when I was single and always around my friends. I like to do the things that you mentioned.THANKS
March 8th, 2007 at 4:51 pm
ive finished with a guy at xmas cos we were due to go on holiday but he was a complete s. in the end he took an ex girlfriend with him and kept texting me from holiday saying how he was having a rough time with her. when he got back he wanted to come and see me and i said no. since then hes thrown it back at me how he wasted so much money on the holiday and loves me but wont come over and sends me dirty texts. hes gone on a dating agency and cos theres no one available for him thats local he keeps me hanging. last night id had enough of him having womens phone numbers on his mobile and he doesnt like it that i can go on internet. i told him to ask my ex who he works with how i am and not to call me at all or text. he then said he might have an std. how wicked is he i know im ok and its a lie. how do i get rid of him as i wish it was the way it was as we had so much fun and i find myself thinking i still love him but am relieved and so happy when i dont hear from him. is it because i thought i could change him and make him love me.
March 21st, 2007 at 9:42 am
After 2 years of being with a 25 year old guy,i am 34, that i love very much, and 5 tries to leave me he finally did 6 weeks ago, after i had to ask him several times over several days what was wrong with him. It crushed me completely. He sais he still loves me but thinks we are incompatible? I asked what do you mean? We dont have the same taste in movies, culture stuff like that. I have relaized a lot in the last weeks, since i really threw myself into the deep end of fear. I felt it all. I am doing much better, i can almost say that i am doing ok. I miss our habits and i guess but just guess miss him. A part of me still hopes that he will come back, but i think that is just so i can have the power back. I learned from being breaking up with, that loosing the power and control and me begging him to come back to me, was just so degrading. The biggest leasson that i learned is many times over did i think break up with him, but i didnt and guess what you give the power away well somebody will take over and do what i did not so. It is the law of the universe.
Even by writting this now i feel healing.
To all those that are ready to get better, dont let anybody make you feel like you are less, take control and listen to your feelings, if you dont no one will.
Take care
June 15th, 2007 at 6:44 pm
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July 2nd, 2007 at 11:34 pm
Hey…i dated someone that i loved for 2 years…i felt that i put more effort in our relation ship and she wasnt as eager as i was to see things grow,2 be together in the future,basically to make things work between us.and even when things where bad i tried to put my best foot forward but we broke up with out talking much about it.I guess we were both tired.i still have really strong feelings for her…i planned a life together with her and that isnt the easiest thing to let go off.ive been through these steps and yes they are true but there is no real way of getting over someone you love…..its the hardest thing in the world
Ron
July 9th, 2007 at 5:17 am
HEY i went out with dis guy for a yr… an amazing one yr n i later broke up wid him because i wasnt feeling “happy” in the relationship as we werent livin it up as we used to. i cudnt understand that the only reason y we was was because he was goin tru sum financial problems. i was basicali, the bitch in da relationship not him.
wel bout a week ago i was very depressed n wud jus stare at the pic of him n his rebound in his website.
now am tryin to move on wid ma life bcuz i am sure ders better thingz in life that r waitin for me.
fun friends r the best ppl to hang out wid during these tyms… n am now settin maself a target to improve ma flexibility so that keeps me busy. THER is A SOLUTION TO EVERYTHING IN THIS WORLD!
September 10th, 2007 at 8:53 pm
I’m not sure what stage I’m in. I’m a little confused because I was truly in love with my boyfriend, we had been together for 3 years, we started having a lot of trouble about 6 months ago and we broke up at least 3-4 times during that time and kept getting back together. Finally he said he couldn’t do it anymore, and I was overwhelmed with this huge feeling of regret, sadness, and anger… for about a day. I’m okay now, it almost feels as if we broke up 2 months ago… and I’m not sure why. My friends have been great, they heard me cry and rant for that one day, and they gave me some great, straight forward advice of what to expect. I also strongly believe that this is for the better, that if I had been happy with him we would have just been happy, and that if we do get back together it would only be if he has somehow changed in the way he keeps his heart to himself. But I don’t know, I feelt like I’ve moved on too quickly. Am I just supressing my real feelings?
September 28th, 2007 at 3:10 pm
Wow - my old post from over a year ago is worth reading again. Talk about sticking power!
October 1st, 2007 at 7:14 am
HI everyone. Listen to my story! i promise when you hear it you will be very shocked and you will know there is hope for you. my ex boyfriend and I dated for 5 years. I met his parents and really believed that i would marry him. he said he truly loved me and i believed he did, at the time. i trusted him with all my heart and we made planned on getting married in the future. we talked about it, bout having children. abouot vacations, our familie, proposal. i reallt thought it was amatch made in heaven. but while i trusted him with all my heart. he cheated on me. a relative saw him, he was at university in public holding her hand, on VALENTINES day while i was home. oh my i was so hurt i cried for days on end. i couldnt eat, i couldnt sleep. i gave up on men. i thought my life was over but by the grace of GOD i got through it. I know i am over him because i dont think of him nor do i love him or want to see him. It has been 7 months sinc the break up and i have someone who is amazing. he loves me adn respects me so much and i truly love him. i know i love him because for the first time in seven months i actually see myself marrying someone starting a family. its the first time since my ex and i broke up. i dont want my ex any more . after meeting my current boyfriend, it is like comparing a ferarri to a toyota tazz. there just isnt any way you can compare. he is my ferarri, my boyfriend is loving and caring and he accepts me with my baggage. there was a time i thought i would never find love and we all go through it… but dont give up hope. love exists! i cannot claim to know if my ex regrets his decision and i dont care. there isnt a chanc i would get back with him. the first step is getting rid of any reminders. i tore up our photos, his letters and gave away his gifts. i didnt need them. they reminded me of him and they were given in love. that love doesnt exist anymore so why should i keep them. i cut all contact with my ex. we dont call or sms, we are not friends anymore. my advice is cut him outta your life and youll open your heart to love instead of hoping for a reconciliation. i truly loooovee my current boyfriend. he is everything iv wished for.. and more and i will spend the rest of my life loving him.. as for my ex, good luck to him and his gf.. i can sincerely say i want him to be happy, and i forgive him. i have found the true love of my life. and right now the love i have for him is more imprtant than the resentment i had for my ex. so i choose to love my sweetheart. the man of my dreams.. and forget the man who never deserved me in the first place. even when you think that you cant go on.. that the world is too difficult. remember my story. and knoe if i can find love so can you!
October 1st, 2007 at 7:56 am
Nazneen, that is great advice! Thanks!
October 26th, 2007 at 7:39 am
My girlfriend (Fiance) for 5 1/2 years just called it quits last week. In fact that morning everything was fine then2 hours later I asked if she was coming over and she said no and she told me she didn’t want to be with me anymore. We didn’t fight all I told her was something about a job situation and then 2 hours later it just changed. I got my ring back from her but she sent me a text message about where it was at. I tried calling her the next day and she texted me stating she doesn’t want to talk with me right now. Next day I go to where she works at and gave her back her house keys and asked her for lunch and she said she will call me when ready. Then 3 days later I couldn’t take it anymore and got her flowers and still she has not responded to me or anything. This is not a good sign!!! I Love her alot and want to be back with her.
October 29th, 2007 at 9:01 am
BrokeheartedForever… sorry to hear about your situation. Have you seen the movie swingers? Here’s a long quote that may help to shed some light:
Mike: Okay, so what if I don’t want to give up on her?
Rob: You don’t call.
Mike: But you said I don’t call if I wanted to give up on her.
Rob: Right.
Mike: So I don’t call either way?
Rob: Right.
Mike: So what’s the difference?
Rob: There is no difference right now. See, Mike, the only difference between giving up and not giving up is if you take her back when she wants to come back. But you can’t do anything to make her want to come back. In fact, you can only do stuff to make her not want to come back.
Mike: So the only difference is if I forget about her or just pretend to forget about her?
Rob: Right.
Mike: Well that sucks.
Rob: Yeah, it sucks.
Mike: So it’s just like a retroactive decision, then? I mean I could, like, forget about her and then when she comes back make like I just pretended to forget about her?
Rob: Right. Although probably more likely the opposite.
Mike: What do you mean?
Rob: I mean at first you’re going to pretend to forget about her, you’ll not call her, I don’t know, whatever… but then eventually, you really will forget about her.
Mike: Well what if she comes back first?
Rob: Mmmm… see, that’s the thing, is somehow they know not to come back until you really forget.
Mike: There’s the rub.
Rob: There’s the rub.
October 30th, 2007 at 1:57 am
Went through all those stages I’ve tried to remain friends with her even
when she visit the city…..which is a mistake because I still love her and
even though I know part of her loves me I know she has moved on to the acceptance stage…..even though I’ve been told I’m attractive I’m not the tall dark and handsome man most women seem to go for (only 5,6) so I’m usually women pass me by……sigh…..I one point I was even so sad I took time off work and just locked my away for 4 days…..isn’t that sad…..my mind tells me it will never work but heart keeps saying maybe…..and the worst part is I know it’s over…..judging from my past she is likely the best match I’m going find in this life……ah well at least I have my health and my work.
October 30th, 2007 at 6:55 am
Chuck, the main thing holding you back is trying to remain friends. Im sure part of her does love you and part of you loves her. However, that’s not a good reason to not move on.
I’ve felt that every girl I’ve dated was “likely the best match I’m going find in this life”. That’s what love is! Sounds like your self-esteem has been lowered by losing this girl. Love yourself and who you are and “the one” will find you!
November 3rd, 2007 at 7:40 am
my boyfriend had broken up with me a month ago. prior to that, we were having lots of problems in the relationship. we argued and cried every other day. the main problem is that he doesnt trust me with guys. he’s too controlling and sometimes i just couldnt stand it. but i do share the blame too. i didnt appraciate wad he had done for me, and i kept taking him for granted. somehow i felt like although i love him, i wouldnt want to marry him.so i didnt really put a lot of effort in the relationship. but.. when he broke up with me, i just felt all my true feelings surfacing..i realized that i actually love him a lot, and i just felt regret and couldnt forgive myself for driving him away. i begged him 3 weeks to give me another chance, but he said i had done too much damage to the relationship that it was not worth trying anymore. he said he has lost all his confidence in me and that although he still loves me, he doesnt want to be with me anymore. plus, he says that he’s still young and he wants to play the field first. so part of the reason he break up with e is because he feels that after 6 months of committin in a realtionship but getting nothing in return, he has given up all hope and doesnt want a serious relationship right now. he doesnt want to cheat on me, so he chose to break up. and he feels that we will be facing a lot of problems because i’ll in going oversea to further my studies next year. he says that if fate dictates that we will be together, we will be together after 5 years. so let everything depends on fate. he’s been nice to me since the break up but whenever i ask for another chance he would get annoyed. there’s one time he even threatened to commit suicide if i continue to force him. i dont know what to do now. we are still keeping in touch. he keep asking me to move forward and appreciate life. but i just cant. help me.
November 12th, 2007 at 12:22 pm
My boyfriend just broke up with me after 1 year we were together.
The reason is the distance he is studying abroad and when he left he promise me to fight for what we have after 1 month he started not to calling me dont care about me,he was only intersted about his life but he was always telling me that he love me and cant pass a day without thinking of me..one day i have a call from him telling me with tears that he cant doing this anymore and we have to broke up i accept it not because i want it but i couldnt do anything else.So i get out of his life with the hope that he will understand and in a way come back.At the end after 1 week of our “fight” i have a call from a friend telling me that my ex is in a relation with another girl you can understand that i was in a big shock…i send him an email and i told him very bad staff but i dont regret it really i mean it i also told him not to call me again etc. His answer puzzle me he told me that his looking to our pictures and crying and he dont want to lose me but his trying to get over me and thats why he moved on. I cant stand this it really hurts me and the fact that his is not here its killing me i am trying with all steps that u told but always i have a question in my head why he didnt fight for us why if he loves me doing this i cant explain this it really hurts. help me pls thank you for listening me
November 12th, 2007 at 12:41 pm
Lia, What will help you most is time. In time you will realize that “why” he didn’t fight for your relationship is not important. The only thing that is important is that he didn’t fight for your relationship.
Sometimes we are better off to forget about the other person rather than seek an answer to every question we have.
November 13th, 2007 at 2:33 pm
wow its actually tru my bf jst broke up with me after 2 years without a reason atal…says he sitll loves me it jst was going dwn hill…:S and i went threw all those stages..i dnt no if iv accepted it yet..but maybe i have
i cnt belive how accurate it is!
December 7th, 2007 at 6:04 pm
I have a question… I dated a guy for about a year and a half and the whole time I was unhappy because I wasn’t completely”in love” with him. I did love him, think he was the worlds BEST boyfriend as well as attractive but I broke up with him because the passion wasn’t there. When I saw he was dating another girl I immediately realized I wanted him back and was completely in love with him but it was too late he said he was over me. When we were together I didn’t think there was ANYTHING I could do to make him not want me anymore. He’s all I can think about… Is this just jealousy or did I just need to realize he wouldn’t be there no matter how horribly I treated him?
December 9th, 2007 at 9:14 am
Hi Heather, it sounds to me that you’re feeling insecure because he doesnt want you anymore. Well, that’s natural to feel that whether you loved him fully or not. We always want what we cant have. You are better off to move on. Trying to get him back will only make you both miserable in the long run if your heart wasnt there to begin with.
February 6th, 2008 at 6:46 pm
I think all of these ideas were good.I had to get over an ex once,wasn’t easy but i did.And now I have a new girlfriend.OH YEA!!!!!:)
February 6th, 2008 at 6:49 pm
Lia, I agree With Colin if he didn’t even fight for the realationship then forget him.
February 17th, 2008 at 9:13 am
It’s been a year since it’s all been over.. I was with him for about two months but I’d known him for 3 years. He wanted me a long time ago and I never paid attention untl 1 day he broke up with his girlfriend and decided to contact me, he thought I could grow to like him, and help him get over his ex. I eventually grew to love him, understand that he was a lot like me. But I came to know that there was no room in his heart for me. So I left. Never look back but once or twice I text him and that got me nowhere. It’s been a year. I know he is not worth it. I know I was his rebound, he used me. Never really gave a dime abt me but still sometimes I cant heol but look for him.. I’m worried. I know all the rules in the book about letting go but “no..It’s beyond me now”.. it scares me…
June 8th, 2008 at 3:54 am
thanks for the advice
July 26th, 2008 at 8:11 pm
wow I have been broken up with my ex for 2weeks now and reading this post helped me so much. we were 2gether for 3 and a half years of drama. He used me like a door mat and was a selfish pathelogical liar, the reason why I stuck around cause I didn’t wanna be alone. my biggest mistake was loving someone more than I loved myself. you shouldn’t have to beg someone who claims they love you to spend time with u, be faithful. if a relationship is not progressing after 3 years and is at the same place it was in the beginning then its time to move on. you can’t change a person or there behavior they have to make a change themselves. there’s is a light outside of a break up tunnel even though it will hurt your life is not over trust me. when you truely move on a month, a year from now you will look back and laugh and say what was I thinking. it only been 2weeks but the best way to truely move on is no contact, out of sight out of mind and keep busy no matter how bad it hurts to face people. I am 75 percent over him in 2weeks soon I will be 100 percent over him. no matter what I was a good, beautiful woman and he will miss me but its his loss for taking me for granted.
July 29th, 2008 at 10:25 am
I was in relationship with gril in another country,I am in US. We were together for 5 years.SHe had to travel back and forth from her country to see me. I never married her but should have. We had a rocky time together but still loved ech other. I have not seen in 3 years exactly.
2 years go we had a fight online and she ended it. I went thru all the anger,denial,etc.. I am depressed ove this still, however. SHe would contact me every 5 or 6 months to see how I am, but would aways say she does not want to look back but just be friends. I dont want to just be friends with her. She did this again yesterday. I have not been able to stop thinking about her. What can I do to move past? I dont think she wants to get back together.
July 29th, 2008 at 12:39 pm
Also, I have to say “WOW” I thought I was the only one who cant seem to get over someone even after 3 years, but after I read this whole page, I see there are those that have been broken up even longer and moved on with another and still cant seem to get over the “one”.
September 30th, 2008 at 11:32 am
I was with my ex for 3 years and last Christmas he gave me a ring. A few months later he dumped me and said he “didn’t want to be with anybody.” I moved out and found another boyfriend who I do love, but I miss my ex terribly. I have been missing him. I went to his house yesterday and there was another girl in his bed with him and she was curled up in my blanket. I lost my mind and just wanted to break anything I could.
I am very hurt. Can someone help me? I am stuck bouncing around in the anger/depression and bargaining. And I dont even know that I want to be with him anymore, but I love him so much and it hurts so badly to know he is with someone else. He lied, you know? It hurts so much worse now.