Pintmaster

How to get over an ex!

There is no surefire way to get over an ex boyfriend / girlfriend. When you break up, especially after being together for a long time, it is like losing a part of yourself. Do not fear though - it is not losing a part of yourself, it is just "like" losing a part of yourself.

There are a common set of 5 stages of grief that people go through during a breakup:

1. Denial
2. Anger / Resentment
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance

Denial

At this point, you cant believe what has happened and you are most likely overwhelmed by shock - half expecting things to go back to "normal".

Anger / Resentment

This is when it gets nasty & you might be inclined to do or say things that you will regret to the other person. You blame the other person for causing the situation or wasting years of your life, or being so difficult. In many ways those things are necessary because essentially fighting with each other and causing hurt makes the break up easier to comprehend for each person.

Bargaining

Im not quite sure that this is next after anger. Apparently, this is where you will feel inclined to try to convince the person that you can change or they can change and you really should be together. The decision to break up feels wrong and it seems as though the solution is to get back together rather than stay apart.

Depression

It's really quite straightforward. You feel down in the dumps, alone and withdrawn from the world. At this point, the loss is acknowledged and it takes time to deal with it and sort through the issues. This is when you will feel most alone in the world. But dont fret! the best is yet to come.
Acceptance

The breakup is now in your past. You're able to move forward with your life. Hopefully at this stage, seeing the person doesnt send you backwards in to one of the other stages.

What else?

Now that you know the stages of grief, you can at least understand what you are going through. Some other things you may experience during grief is a sense of a lost identity. You need to rediscover and redefine who you are without the other person. It's difficult and dangerous because its important to have stability in your life.

How to get through it

• Go to the Gym / work out - This is a fantastic thing to do when you are getting over a break up. Working out releases endorfins in the brain so you feel better than you ordinarily would if you were going through a break up (I am working out 5 - 6 times a week).
• Be more social - Hang out in coffee shops with a good book, make some new friends who dont know your ex, get out of the house!
• Generally get more busy - The less time you have alone to think, the less time you will be sitting alone thinking about your break up. Dwelling on a problem rarely presents a solution. The only thing to help with a breakup is time. If you can allow time to pass without overanalyzing the situation, it will help.
• Join a club, group or new activity - Increase the number of times you do an activity during the week. Take a cooking class. Join a book club. Do something you've always wanted to try. Go travelling!

All of these can help you take your mind off grieving for the most part but will allow you to think about it in moments - to process things without dwelling.

In this case, I am taking my own advice! I hope it works for you.